The Want to Want.

Today in Sunday School my teacher was talking about how before the Savior died he needed to want to die. Apparently, since he was the Son of God, he was immortal and therefore, couldn't die unless he wanted to. Think about it, though... why would he want to die? Even Jesus Christ, being perfect, didn't want to die even when Heavenly Father told him to. But he did want to want to die. Does that make sense? He didn't want to die and leave his home on Earth, but since that was what the Father desired of Him, He wanted to want to. I find the concept a little confusing myself with all these "wants."

Discussing this in Sunday School reminded me of what one of my counselors said one summer at EFY. She was giving a devotional on scripture study, and she told of a personal experience during her early teenage years. She felt guilty because she didn't like reading her scriptures. She never wanted to read them. But she prayed that she would want to read them. Even though she didn't want to them, she wanted to want to read them, and that was enough to get her to read her scriptures. Eventually she learned to enjoy the scriptures, and now she loves reading them.

I know that the desire to want something is always enough to get you started. I've always enjoyed being sarcastic and rude because it's so easy, but I've always wished that I would want more to be kind and friendly. Over the past couple years, I have noticed that I have become for kind and loving. It happened mostly without me realizing it because, even though I didn't necessarily want to become this person, I wanted to want to. And I have changed for the better because of it.

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Tonight my ward had our Young Women Evening of Excellence. I wasn't a big part of it. All I did was read a little introductory paragraph and sing a song with the rest of the Young Women, but apparently I had a big influence on some people. Afterwards three people came up to me and complimented me. First, the grandmother of these new girls in our ward came to me and said that I had a wonderful talent of singing, and with more than just my voice. A few minutes later her daughter (the mother of the three new girls in my ward) came to me and said I had a beautiful voice and spirit. She said she was so thankful for how kind and welcoming I had been to her girls. Then the father of another somewhat new girl in our ward came up to me and said that he could hear my voice very distinguished from everyone else's during the song and that it was gorgeous. He said he wished I would sing a solo in sacrament meeting. I never knew how big an influence I could have on so many people in just a little period of time. It really makes me want to constantly do good and be a good example because people are always watching. I do matter, and I can make a difference.